I Dated for 10 Years: Here's What I Learned

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The girl I’m dating now came from a very bad toxic relationship, almost abusive. She has issues on the surface but she is a very generous person who wishes to help people and loves kids. In the first two weeks I had dating her she started crying on my chest and said that on three years of being with her ex he never knew enough about her as I did. We share many of the similar goals and feel pretty comfortable with each other, he mentioned going to school to finish her degree and I said I would support her, before meeting her ex she was active on the community, loved taking dance clases and volunteering, again i have been encouraging her to get back on those habits, I haven’t slept with her yet cause I want her to feel comfortable and secure with me which I have noticed she feels very excited whenever we speak on the phone or see each other. I’m not a perfect man but I realize that if I want her to be part of my life, she must be whole in hers also. I hope this relationship works.

I've been dating for about 8 years, here's what I've learned is the key to success:
1. Honesty from the very start
2. Partnership, not only taking care of one another, but also caring for others together
3. Comunication, active listening, if your partner lets you know of a negative action of yours they didnt like, show them you listened and cared by working together for improvement
4. Having things in common is important, but not on superficial level (movies, music), but future goals and values.
If a partner doesn't really put an effort in these 4 things, I see it as an ok from them to move on.

Imagine the world without romantic movies, fairytales, poetry and pop songs, I think people will be more intelligent and use their time and talent for bigger purposes, rather than chasing a romantic fantasy their whole life. And having the sole pursuit of feeding off from another person’s mind, body and emotions

I’ve been married for 24 years and even though we are currently very happy, I can’t say that I’ve enjoyed every one of those years. Some years I’ve sworn that we would divorce once the kids left. But I learnt that things change, there are ups and downs, and that “love” is not the same as an enduring relationship. Problems often pass and that breaking up just because things are temporarily rocky is often stupid. Take time and talk and see what can be changed and what can’t. Unfortunately what attracts two people when you’re in your twenties is often not what creates a stable middle age couple.


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